Stress is wiping me out right now.
I'm trying to keep up with way too many balls in the air. It is easy to do, right?
"Can you do this?" Oh, that won't be too hard...."Sure I can."
"We would like to try this idea, and know it is up your alley. Would you be interested?" Wow, chance to build some new skills and explore some new areas..."Would I? You bet!"
"Hey, I'm going to be out for a couple of weeks...here." Good to have a job, good to have a job..."Sure, enjoy your vacation."
Stress Reduction
OK, so we all know how we get overloaded. But how do we get it back under control?
First, begin to say "No". Old advice but good advice. Blame the current workload, and move on. "I'd love to help when I'm done with this project in a few more months."
Second, look at the current load and eliminate things you just hate doing, that someone--ANYONE--else could be doing. That should be easy. If you really hate it, you won't have any trouble dropping it.
Third, look at items against a calendar. What will end soon? Do you have deadlines for some projects? If they will fall away in a few months, does just knowing that "the end is near" help you?
Last, consider the big elements in your life. Exercise, family, hobbies, work...are all in their proper place and getting the right balance? Does your hobby take away time from your family?
The Right Order
First, you. Take care of yourself first. On airplanes, part of the pre-flight speech is to put your mask on first, then help your children. Make time for exercise, sleep and eating well. If you don't, everything else won't matter. Families, jobs, organizations...all survive without out once you are gone. Sure, it's hard, but they all go on. You are first.
Second, your spouse. Duh. Your spouse is the number one stress reducing agent in your life. They are your sympathetic ear, provider of advice and support system. And if they aren't, it is a clear sign of your priorities being out-of-whack. Go back to step one, make sure "you" are taken care of then devote your efforts to your spouse until they are your support network again. This step is critical, do what you have to do to get it right. Time, money, attention. Invest.
Third, your kids. This might seem like it could be #2 or even #1, after all they are dependent on you for food, shelter and clothing. What wouldn't you do for your kids right? Well, consider that might be what got you here in the first place. "You" are step one, your spouse is step two (you may spend 40+ years with this person, and only about 20 with the kids), so kids are...STEP THREE. You have to be healthy enough to be there for all of them, you need your relationship with your spouse to be there for you and the kids, so the kids come in last. They want a living parent, then they want stable parents. Honest.
Fourth, work. Yep, I know many of us make the case for this being #1, right? Can't eat without a job. No roof over anyone's head without an income. Unhappy spouse (especially if you are the primary breadwinner) if the power, water or phone gets turned off. We have to do what the employer wants at all times of the day and night to keep everything running.
Wrong.
Plenty of less well-off people are rich in family and friends. I know a family with 13 kids, great family, who have never had a family vacation. Not even a night away just for the parents. If the situation gets dire, there are a plethora of agencies and organizations to step in and help. SET PARAMETERS for your work life! Shut it all down after that and focus on #1, #2 and #3.
Fifth, friends/neighbors/organizations/community/hobbies. This is a tough one for me. I am an avid Scout leader, and I really like doing the work. I have been known to cut #1, #2, #3 and even #4 short for this. #5 comes out of the leftovers. After you have taken care of you, your spouse, your kids and your work, then and only then do you take care of #5. #5 is probably where your fun personal fun rests. If you were just suddenly given an afternoon off, #5 might be where you want to spend your time, right? Golf...camping...working on an old car...read a book. We all have our #5.
I propose that if you get #1-#4 right--make the effort, spend the time, build the relationships, #5 will have plenty of time and resources made available--by #1-#4!
Food for thought, I hope. I do struggle with it, but I know the right answers. And I'm honest enough to admit that if, when, I fix #1 the rest will fall in line.
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